And while I was pregnant, I also noticed how my body felt different. I still remember the first time I caught myself leaning back slightly, my palms spread across my lower back, supporting the extra weight in the front, just like I had seen other pregnant women do. And I was very conscious of all the energy that I held in my belly, where a baby was growing. This made the practice of meditation, at the end of yoga classes and as part of childbirth preparation, very simple. It was easy to sustain focus on my belly. I was a spoon, holding an egg.
But I'm not sure that many women give much thought to how their body feels (as opposed to looks) different after childbirth. At least, I didn't. Until last night, when I was deep into an hour and a half meditation (for a mindfulness class at school), and it really did feel like the front of my abdomen was simply...gone. There was nothing there, just as though my center had been scooped out. Maybe you've heard of how amputees can have ghost limbs, sensations of pain or itching or tickling where their limb used to be? This felt like it might be akin to that, but the inverse. I couldn't feel something that really was there.
I felt like an empty spoon: